“Bring your whole self to work” is one of those phrases that sounds plausible until you stop and really think about it.
I’m going to stick my head above the parapet and suggest we actually don’t mean it.
Of course, the intention behind the phrase is good. It speaks to psychological safety, inclusion, belonging and the idea that people shouldn’t have to leave every difficult, personal or human part of themselves at the door when they start work.
And I agree with that. Up to a point.
Because the reality is that none of us bring our whole selves to work. Nor, if we’re honest, do most workplaces really want us to.
The version of me that shows up in a client meeting is not the same version of me that shows up at the rugby club. The version of any of us sitting on the sofa on a Sunday morning is not necessarily the version we bring into a boardroom. That isn’t inauthentic, it’s just context. With a little good judgement and social awareness thrown in.
Where this becomes more complicated is when someone in your team is going through something genuinely difficult.
I read a post recently from someone who had experienced grief and had tried to communicate that at work. Their experience was not positive. And it struck me as such a clear example of the tension in this phrase.
In principle, we want people to be able to say, “I’m not okay.” We want to know enough to support them, understand what might be affecting them, and make reasonable accommodations where we can.
But on the receiving end, that can feel uncomfortable. We may not know what to say. We might worry about asking the wrong question, saying something clumsy, or getting too close to something personal. Sometimes that discomfort shows up as awkwardness or avoidance. Sometimes, sadly, it can come out as frustration or a lack of empathy.
And when that happens, the person who tried to bring more of themselves to work learns very quickly to bring less next time.
There’s another side to this too. What about the parts of ourselves that are inappropriate, unhelpful or simply not suited to the workplace? Our unfiltered opinions, poor jokes, personal judgements or need to challenge in ways that others may not welcome. Where does ‘whole self’ end and professional responsibility begin?
Let’s look at it from another angle.
A client once told me they valued challenge. Later, when I challenged them openly in a way I had chosen deliberately and thoughtfully, they admitted it had annoyed them. What followed was a useful conversation, because I discovered that what they really meant was that they valued challenge in certain conditions.
That is very human and also very revealing.
So perhaps the question isn’t whether people should bring their whole selves to work. Perhaps the better question is: what do we actually mean when we say it or what is the end result we’re trying to achieve?
If we mean creating workplaces where people can be honest, supported and appropriately human, then yes. Absolutely.
But if we use the phrase without thinking through what it asks of leaders, colleagues and culture, it risks becoming another well-intentioned slogan that falls apart the moment real life walks into the room.