In a profession where many people’s natural instinct is to prioritise others, it’s time to acknowledge what is being sidelined in the process
HR professionals sit at the emotional centre of organisations. They hold confidential conversations, absorb uncertainty, manage conflict, and often carry the worries of others long after the meeting has ended. It all culminates in a particular tension I see again and again when working with HR and people leaders; having little or no space to process, recover or reflect, even though these should be non-negotiables in the workplace.
We all know you should put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others, and yet, in leadership it feels like we’re doing the exact opposite. I am often hearing, “My team needs to be my priority right now” or “Once things calm down, then I’ll focus on myself.” It’s a common pitfall, where development and reflection start to be positioned as self-indulgent and as a luxury. But just as putting your own oxygen mask on first is common sense, so is reframing self-development as an essential tool in becoming an effective leader.
From an Emotional Intelligence (EQ) perspective, effective leadership requires both a regard for others and regard for self. EQ isn’t just empathy and compassion outwardly, it also includes self-awareness, emotional regulation, boundaries, and reflective learning. I’ve written previously that at Mind Values Leadership, we use a tool called Talogy Emotional Intelligence Profile 3 (EIP3). We are able to measure and develop an individual’s Emotional Intelligence, and one of the key developmental factors we look at is reflective learning. Leaders who reflect well are more likely to strengthen their building blocks of great leadership, such as empathy, authenticity, and emotional resilience. What I see consistently in HR and people leaders – an industry which often attracts people who are wired to prioritise others – is not low EQ, but an imbalance. And reflection is the mechanism that can restore that balance.
There is also just the plain argument of optics and role modelling. Regardless of what leaders say, an organisation takes note of what a leader does and what they prioritise when the pressure is on. If you advocate development, wellbeing and reflection for others but never visibly practise it yourself, an integrity gap opens up. It’s only when people see HR and the wider leadership taking the time to reflect and recalibrate that a powerful message is sent out that reflective time is an integral part of development.
One of the greatest parts of my role as a leadership coach is seeing this subtle shift in the leaders we work with, and how it can have a monumental change within organisations. We create the space for leaders to think clearly, act with intention, lead with greater self-awareness, and understand that you don’t need to apologise for putting your oxygen mask on first.